I'm going to talk about this guy. Fuck off if you worry about spoilers. Cuz what I have to say will spoil something. Not just Episode VII, but Episode VIII as well. And Episode IX while we're at it.
See, if Disney is about keeping their momentum but also about "honoring" the past (while primarily about making tons of cash), then I know what's going to happen with this guy. Or should I say, what HAPPENED. Last chance to pluck your own eyeballs out before spoilers.
If Disney wants to create the same moment to remember in Episode VIII that Episode V did back in 1980, they'll use the exact same formula but change one word: In The Empire Strikes Back, it went like this ...
Vader: "No, Luke ... *I* am your father!"
In Episode VIII, it should go like this ...
Luke: "No, Ben ... *I* am your father!"
Now before you fling yourself from the nearest bridge in horror at this revelation, or put your fat fingers on a keyboard to rebut me, there's three things you CANNOT reply with:
1) "Rebut you?" Yeah, it's called English, motherfucker. Look it up.
2) "Ewww, that means Luke fucked Leia after all?" If that's your snark-ass comment, go fuck yourself. Of course Luke didn't fuck Leia. And he didn't fuck her "after all," meaning you knew it would happen. Pervert! If you saw The Force Awakens and thought Rey was Luke's daughter, did you then also think he must've fucked Leia?
There's other broads in the galaxy, ya douche-nozzle. I know they don't show them in the movies, since in a galaxy of a billion star systems there's only twelve characters, and they're all each other's parents or siblings or children or nieces or owners or creators ... but there's women out there that Luke could've hooked up with!
3) "But that means Luke is evil in Episode VIII, and that'll never happen!" Please acquaint yourself with some brains. The only things that'll "never happen" are stupid prequel ideas, like having either Rey or Kylo Ren conceived by the midichlorians to be the chosen one and bring balance to the OH GOD LUCAS, YOU REALLY SCREWED UP THOSE PREQUELS!
Anyway, I only said Luke will parrot Vader's line. I didn't say he'll also parrot Vader's whole purpose in the scene, and chop Kylo's right hand off and ask him to "join me, and together we can END this destructive conflict, and bring order to the galaxy!"
I didn't say that. But if it were the case, "faces" turning "heel" is such a common trope, such a recognized (if cheap) way to involve the audience on an emotional level, that it makes sense for Disney to use it. Then you have a built-in redemption moment later down the line.
My guess — what this post is about — would be that Kylo Ren is actually Luke's child, and Rey is actually Han and Leia's (or at least Leia's).
Some bullet points:
1) Rey was abandoned on Jakku, by someone in a light cruiser ship (whose like we've not seen before or since, not a rebel or imperial craft). It seems likely Rey was raised by the old man played by Max von Sydow, cuz only a monster dumps a kid off in the desert without some provision and Max knew about the Skywalker/Organa/Solo legacy in great detail. Remember those moments ten seconds in, before Kylo Ren murdered him? Max von Sydow knew some shit, and he had a map to Luke. Anyway, after she was old enough, Rey moved out to be her own woman. She bears a strong resemblance to Padme (UGG PREQUELS!), whose analogue later in the storyline is her daughter Leia. Rey could be an analogue too.
2) That does not necessarily mean Rey is Han's daughter. We saw the relationship had ended, but maybe that's why — Han was being Han, running around the galaxy with his Wookiee, so Leia took a slam piece and guess what? Is there a pregnancy test in Star Wars? Does it have Darth Plagueis's face on the box? Who knows, Leia could've had Rey AFTER she divorced Han. Like with the old dude standing in the command center. Or Nien Nunb. Anything can be the truth here.
But the BIG reason why I don't think Han is actually Kylo Ren's dad is...
3) Kylo Ren's real name is Ben. Leia (and her father Bail) didn't know Ben Kenobi. They knew Obi-wan, not Ben. Leia never even met Obi-wan. Luke, however, ONLY knew Ben. He never met Obi-wan, just kindly old Ben. So maybe Luke met some girl in the cantina, or got mind-controlled into banging Asajj Ventress or some shit, and holy force choke Batman, I'm a dad! Hey sis, think you can raise this kid for me? I'd do it myself, but I was looking through the archives on Coruscant and turns out Jedi Knights have to be sexless monk-like assholes, not actual parents, not actual human-like characters that the audience can relate to UGG PREQUELS!
So that's my theory. We have 23 months to expand or explode it. Just remember that every film from The Force Awakens onward is a corporate product, like the latest Honda Accord. Some guy at Honda came up with the Accord decades ago. He's the auteur genius. And Honda saw people liked it, and what's more they paid to have it, and so Honda have made a slightly-different-but-otherwise-the-same model of the Accord every year since.
That'll be Star Wars from now until you die. A new, but essentially the same, film each year. So they did A New Hope over. Now it's Empire's turn.
Let's sketch the events of that film: Villains attack heroes. Heroes split up. Two heroes fall in love, and one hero is betrayed by an old friend (the scoundrel) who then turns face. A hero races off to be trained in the art of exposition by old guy, and returns to face the heel, who reveals he's the father. The end.
Okay, let's pop some names in there: Rey has raced off to be trained in the art of Luke Skywalker. She returns just as the First Order attacks the Resistance, who retreat and split up. Rey and Finn fall in love, and Poe is betrayed by an old friend (a new character with a short one-syllable name, let's call him Toop) who then turns face. Kylo Ren injures Rey in a duel, and Luke jumps in and reveals he's the father. Maybe Ren kills him too, since patricide gets him off. The end.
But how can that be? Well, that's what the new Return of the Jedi slash Episode IX is about. That's when all the answers will come out. Four years from now ...